November 2nd & 3rd, 2011

Reader(s), you must be proud, only two days since my last post, and I didn't even skip a day. However, today's post was expedited due to a harebrained injury. I know, now you're dying to know. But, first, the second.

Bootstrap did this all by himself:

My cat is a special kind of special. And before you call the ASPCA, I swear I took the box off his head, you know, after I got a good laugh and a good picture. The latter was difficult because as soon as Bootstrap got the kleenex box firmly attached to his head he started to run around like, well, like a kitten with his head stuck in a box. Basically he freaked out. It was funny to watch, in a sick and twisted sorta way. And I'm a little sick and twisted.

Now, today: big, bulging, blistering burn day.

I know your first question: "How the Fuck did you do that, you unbelievable ditz?"

Ok, maybe you would've been nicer than that. But, that's how I would've phrased the question.

So, my job right now is basically setting up a hotel, which means a lot of odd jobs. I have put dishes in rooms, vacuumed, ironed shower curtains, assembled vacuums, and (finally) steamed out comforters. The last job is what led to my demise.

Basically the comforters had lines all up on 'em and it became my responsibility to get rid of the lines, and since botox doesn't work on inanimate (fabric) objects, I started steaming them. I didn't know there were such things as steam machines, but there are. Basically it looks like a bucket with a hose and instead of spraying water it sprays steam - hot steam. Who knew steam was hot?

Anyway, I got through the first comforter with relative success, and without damaging myself. But, on the way to the second comforter something went terribly wrong. I was walking from one room to the other with the bucket in one arm, holding the hose nozzle against my stomach (obviously). Now, in order to make the steam, the machine needs to be plugged in, and while walking throughout the hotel the steamer was not plugged in, and since it was not plugged in I assumed it could not make steam, wherein I mad an ass of myself. Perhaps that's why I was careless with pressing the button to make steam. But, regardless of the reason, I knocked the button for about 2 whole seconds, and that was enough to give me a second degree burn.

My first reaction was "Ah what the fuck! How is it on??" My second was "Shit that was hot." My third was "FUCK FUCK FUUUUCK!!!"

It hurts like a mother. And it's also sexy as hell.