November 4th - 6th, 2011

These are my last German pictures for two weeks, as I will be escaping this deutsch wasteland on the morrow. However, none of these pictures have anything to do with Germany, as most of my pictures don't.

On the fourth there was some odd cat placement.







































Apparently Bootstrap found that position comfortable. So did Daniel.

On the fifth I decided to gross you (all?) out. Again.







































I never thought this blog would have so many pictures of my stomach. Or any pictures of my stomach for that matter. But here I am, displaying one of my flaws for all to see - just so you can behold how nasty my stomach burns are unfolding. Sometimes I think I'm strange.

The burns are gradually getting redder and more dry, like touching lizard skin. Needless to say, I've never felt more attractive.

On the 6th I found a stowaway in my suitcase.







































Bootstrap would like to go to America just as much as I do. If only this trip were a PCS trip and I never had to come back here.

I really love Germany, can't you tell?

November 2nd & 3rd, 2011

Reader(s), you must be proud, only two days since my last post, and I didn't even skip a day. However, today's post was expedited due to a harebrained injury. I know, now you're dying to know. But, first, the second.

Bootstrap did this all by himself:




























My cat is a special kind of special. And before you call the ASPCA, I swear I took the box off his head, you know, after I got a good laugh and a good picture. The latter was difficult because as soon as Bootstrap got the kleenex box firmly attached to his head he started to run around like, well, like a kitten with his head stuck in a box. Basically he freaked out. It was funny to watch, in a sick and twisted sorta way. And I'm a little sick and twisted.

Now, today: big, bulging, blistering burn day.








































I know your first question: "How the Fuck did you do that, you unbelievable ditz?"

Ok, maybe you would've been nicer than that. But, that's how I would've phrased the question.

So, my job right now is basically setting up a hotel, which means a lot of odd jobs. I have put dishes in rooms, vacuumed, ironed shower curtains, assembled vacuums, and (finally) steamed out comforters. The last job is what led to my demise.

Basically the comforters had lines all up on 'em and it became my responsibility to get rid of the lines, and since botox doesn't work on inanimate (fabric) objects, I started steaming them. I didn't know there were such things as steam machines, but there are. Basically it looks like a bucket with a hose and instead of spraying water it sprays steam - hot steam. Who knew steam was hot?

Anyway, I got through the first comforter with relative success, and without damaging myself. But, on the way to the second comforter something went terribly wrong. I was walking from one room to the other with the bucket in one arm, holding the hose nozzle against my stomach (obviously). Now, in order to make the steam, the machine needs to be plugged in, and while walking throughout the hotel the steamer was not plugged in, and since it was not plugged in I assumed it could not make steam, wherein I mad an ass of myself. Perhaps that's why I was careless with pressing the button to make steam. But, regardless of the reason, I knocked the button for about 2 whole seconds, and that was enough to give me a second degree burn.

My first reaction was "Ah what the fuck! How is it on??" My second was "Shit that was hot." My third was "FUCK FUCK FUUUUCK!!!"

It hurts like a mother. And it's also sexy as hell.

October 27th - November 1st, 2011

Another joyous installment. There is one day missing because it was a horrible day, and I'd rather not remember it. Honestly, it hasn't been the best week so far. So, here's your happy go lucky blog entry.

October 27th:







































Bootstrap got himself snuggled away into this shoebox, then proceeded to chew on it. I don't understand how he can be so cute and yet so unbelievably annoying all at the same time.

October 28th:




























Friday night = Ghost Adventures night. I paused the show for a second, probably to go hunt down a demon in the spare room, and when I came back I had to take a picture of the TV screen 'cause it paused on the best picture ever.

October 29th:







































Bootstrap is a fatty. Freal. I'm kinda worried he's gonna be one of those huge cats that can barely move.

Fuck October 30th.

Halloween was celebrated with nothing Halloween like. But, I did make a half-assed attempt for trick-or-treaters.




























I bought two whole smallish bags of milkyways - mostly because I knew I would eat them if I didn't get any trick-or-treaters, which I didn't. Not one single kid hoofed it up four flights of stairs to get my candy. Ah well, guess I have to eat it now.

November 1st:




























Too soon?

October 22nd - 26th. 2011

I'm not in the best mood today, so I apologize if this post is less than cheerful.

On the 22nd I had very odd bath partners.







































Bootstrap's mouse toys. Apparently the best place to store his kills is in our bathtub.

On the 23rd I attempted to watch TV.




























But, Bootstrap's favorite place to lay is on the DVD player in front of the TV - probably because it's warm. And yes, I was watching Gilmore Girls.

On the 24th I took Barnacle for a walk and took an Ok picture.







































The roses are somehow still around - but they are dying, and covered in a bed of dead leaves. I suppose I was going for arty - but it turned out blurry and lame. Can't win em all.

On the 25th I found out my cat is secretly spiderman.







































For normal cats this wouldn't seem so weird, but Bootstrap has trouble even jumping over the baby gate. Nine times out of ten he knocks the thing over. Nevertheless, I heard an odd metal clanging sound and looked over to see that the sound was the effect of his paws on the oven fan thing (I know, I'm very technical). I let him stay up there for as long as it took to get a good picture of it, then I took him off it and he didn't even try to get back up there. I think he was shocked that he even made it up there in the first place.

Yesterday, the 26th, I spent three hours in the laundromat.







































I had to dry wrinkles out of shower curtains for the new hotel I'm working at, which turned out to be an entirely frustrating task. After being in the dryer for what seemed like hours, the original wrinkles from being packaged were gone. However, a myriad of new wrinkles appeared because the curtains did a strange mating dance while in the dryer, so when I tried to get them out it seemed to take an expert knowledge of knots - which I do not have - to get them untangled. Needless to say - they are still wrinkled and piled in a heap in my trunk, to be figured out another day.

October 12th - 21st, 2011

Well, not exactly my finest exhibition at keeping up with Project 365. However, since you are promised a show, here it is, it might not be exciting, though.

On October 12th I found a rather spectacular slide.







































I was walking Barnacle and came upon this. I was tempted to grab Barnacle and go down, but I'm pretty sure that would have ended in a lot of scratches and yelping, and the MPs being called on me. It might've been worth it, though.

The 13th shows you that my cat is a creepy weirdo.







































Whenever Bootstrap is within the vicinity when the toilet flushes he races over to look inside it. I don't know what he's expecting to find, but it's weird, and he does it all the time.

On the 14th I found the local gay clown bar.





























Again, on a walk with Barnacle I stumbled across this. I assume it's a front for a theater, but this sign seriously points to it being a hangout for gay clowns. I mean, the butt pop alone on that clown says that. I would go some night, but clowns freak me out.

On the 15th we get another chapter of the crazy cat lady.






























Ah snuggle time.

And for the 16th, here's another look at the town!





























There are some good views on the other side of housing. We get the ghetto side, filled with broken glass and barbed wire. Thanks, army!

October 17th shows Bootstrap being weird in the bathroom again.







































Whenever I'm doing my hair, et cetera, Bootstrap follows me in to stare at me, like a creep. Quite often I turn around and find him just sitting in the bathtub, again like a creep. Basically, my cat is a creep.

On my way home from my second day of work *gasp*, I came across a very agrarian scene.




























SHEEP!!! Plus, a bonus creeper sheep staring at me while I took this picture. German life is so fast paced, guys.

On my third day of work I seriously considered a career change (October 19th).







































While setting up the new hotel I get to wear scrubs to work. I think a medical career is in my future, because those bitches are comfy.

On my fourth day of work, I shuddered. (October 20th)







































I just tell myself that the numbers belong to the rooms...

Finally, Barnacle in jail. (October 21st)







































We finally got a gate to keep Barnacle from tearing around the house, and he's already chewed on it.

I love having a dog sometimes.

October 6th - 11th, 2011

Jumping right into it.

So, our housing leaves a lot of crap laying around - garbage mostly. But, I've also stumbled across traffic cones and discarded fences, and now, barbed wire. (October 6th)







































Here is a spool of barbed wire, leaning up against an apartment building. I think the best part of this is that it's about 10 feet from a park, located right behind me as I took this picture. Kids! Our new playground feature: Razor sharp metal spikes!

Ridiculous.

On the 7th I found out that Bootstrap thinks he's a person.







































I found him laying like this - I did not put the blankets over him, he curled up like that all by himself. What a freak of the week.

On Saturday, the 8th, I found out the enemy exists in Germany.




























Sox fans. They followed me here.

On the 9th I woke up to something not entirely out of the ordinary.






























Bootstrap laying on Daniel's face. This lasted for a good fifteen minutes. Weirdos.

On the 10th I realized that signs in German tend to be more sinister.







































Our neighborhood watch signs are in English and in German, but I think the German ones are creepier. The English speaking creeper guy just look like a comic book cartoon. The German creeper looks like he's going to burn the village to the ground. Crazy German creepers, yo.

I decided today was Barnacle day.




























When I take Barnacle inside he tends to go ahead of me, and then turn around when I'm not next to him, like, "Are you coming???"

He's a dork. But, he's cute sometimes.

October 1st - October 5th, 2011

Not as bad as the last game of ketchup, but I'm still not quite keeping up the pace I set at the beginning of the year. Eh, waddyagonnado?

The first day of October comes with a fall picture, of course.




























The trees outside my window (as well as around post) are dropping these acorns like whoa. Barnacle likes to eat them on walks. I would tell him that swallowing seeds makes plants grow in your stomach, but that's a lie. Also, he's a dog and he wouldn't understand.

On the 2nd I discovered that I have an in-law in town!







































Daniel and I were driving through downtown and we came upon at least three of these signs. Szymanski is apparently a much more common name over here - who'da thunk? Anyway, now I tell people all about my famous in-law, Rolf, who was not a would-be nazi in The Sound of Music, but is actually a famous sculptor.

But seriously, it's weird that he would come to the town I'm living in. Yes? Yes.

On the third I had a panic-inducing morning.







































This morning was like any other, I woke up, laid in bed for a good twenty minutes before hauling my lazy ass to the bathroom to keep up with hygiene appearances, and then I got Barnacle ready to go outside. I took two steps out the door before freezing in my tracks: there was a bird in the stairwell.

Now, for most people this isn't cause for panic, but birds seriously freak me out. Like whoa. It didn't help that this particular bird was a complete spaz and kept swooping around and around, to the ceiling, to the floor, to the windowsill and back. It would sit still for maybe 3 seconds, enough time for me to get down one step, before it would start up again.

To put it lightly, I freaked out. Every time I tried to go down the stairs the bird would start swooping and I would start letting out little shrieks. I'm surprised no one came out and called me an idiot. I went in and out of the house three times trying to muster up the courage to get past a tiny bird, no bigger than a sparrow. Of course, I did go out one time to take this picture.

I kept arguing with myself, if you don't take the dog out he'll go on the floor - so I kept trying to go out, trying to go out, trying to go out. Meanwhile I'm texting Daniel about it and his response was, "put on a hat and run."

Instead, I opened an umbrella, figuring my luck couldn't get worse that morning, and streaked down the stairs, shrieking a bit both ways (going out and coming back in). When I came back from the ordeal I vowed I would not be going back outside until the thing was gone. So, I called maintenance, who told me to open a window. I  told them that was not happening while the winged beast was swooping around like a demon. The guy laughed at me, which I accepted because I fully understand how ridiculous I am, but then he said he'd have someone come around to get the thing outside.

About an hour and a half later the fire department showed up. The Fire Department. They captured the bird in a cloth bag or a jacket or something - laughing the whole time - and let it free outside. I think it flew right past my window as I was watching, thus ending the bird catastrophe on a sort of poetic note.

Now, onto the fourth, which wasn't nearly as dramatic.



























Every time I give Barnacle a dental chew Bootstrap tries to steal it. He likes to chew on/play with them. Bootstrap literally laid in front of Barnacle the entire time he was eating it, hoping he would drop it out of his mouth.

Finally, today I found another pumpkin display that is entirely the most creepy one yet.




























I don't know why they all have demonic toothy smiles, but they totally freaked me out.

I imagine them crawling after me, dragging their strange, straw-stuffed bodies behind them.